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Re: Why psychopath parents are so successful in Court.

From: jmfranz@hotmail.com
Date: 27 Apr 2002
Time: 22:44:23
Remote Name: 141.174.90.230

Comments

--Twenty-two years ago, when I was a clueless twenty-something, I married a psychopath. He was a very impressive young man -- an academic and a future university professor, who could be very charming and persuasive. When I balked at marrying him, he convinced me to, using emotional blackmail. I felt guilty, and didn't see a way out. Besides, I loved him. (Or, I loved the person I thought he was...) He didn't show his abusive side until we had a baby, five years after we were married. (Abusive men apparently don't show their abusive sides until after the wedding or after the first baby. I learned that much later.) --When I became pregnant, my then husband became more and more hostile as my pregnancy progressed. Even though he had earlier claimed he wanted a family... (My pregnancy was a happy surprise for me. Probably, my antibiotics interfered with my birth control pills...?) By the time our baby was born, my then-husband was emotionally abusive on a daily-to-thrice daily basis. When I was my most vulnerable, as the mother of a newborn, he was his most abusive. He refused to financially support out daughter on the grounds that "the child is the mother's fault." I went back to work when my daughter was 10 days old! He refused to support the household except to pay our mortgage (since he claimed this was "his house" -- even though I had to clean it!). He used his comfortable, University of California, Davis, professor's salary to build a hefty Charles Schwab stock market account. And I covered for him!! He was charming to outsiders, and told others what a great husband he was -- but was cruel to our daughter and me behind closed doors. --When I gathered the strength to stand up to him and leave him, he suddenly became charming again. He started to take an interest in our daughter. (Our daughter wanted nothing to do with him, initially, but with my help, my then-husband won her over.) --When he went back to his old ways of put downs, name-calling, deflection, humiliations, threats, menacing me. (I later counted a total of 25 forms of verbal abuse.) I divorced him. He made off with most of the marriage's assets, using deception and manipulation. But I was so grateful to get away from him, that I would have left with the clothes on my back! ---Why did he want shared custody of the child he'd rejected during our marriage? To save on child support? (Initially, he misrepresented his income to avoid paying appropriate child support.) To control the mother? To look good? All of the above? ---Since our divorce, this character has consistently tried to drive away the mother -- me. He threatened to "drag" me through the Yolo County Family Court and "dig up every piece of dirt" he "could find and ruin" me. Over a two year period, he and his attorney, Margaret Hoyt, who seems to specialize in having angry male clients, dragged me through the Court. Together, they apparently spent over $30,000.00 in legal fees and Court costs, to "get" me. I went "pro per" bacause I didm't have much money, and paid my attorney $1,800.00 for her consulting services. Fortunately, no judge at that time, supported my ex-husband's lawsuit, and so it was dismissed -- after two years and three judges. ---With a little over a year to go before I'm free of this character, he and his attorney found a cooperative mediator, Barrie Lamont, and a cooperative Judge, Judge Timothy Fall. So now, after promising our daughter a car, and promising to be permissive (not worrying about our daughter disappearing overnight, allowing her access to alcohol, paying for her birth control pills...) and promising our daughter that she doesn't have to have her self-destructive behavior stopped by her "too-strict" mother, my ex-husband has persuaded our daughter to have primary custody with him. He tried for sole custody, to stop our daughter from seeing me, her mother. But, the Judge overruled the mediator. My ex's attorney, Margaret Hoyt, re-wrote Judge Fall's order to try to prevent me from seeing our daughter -- so I had to get my attorney to fix that. In additon, my ex provided the Judge Fall, at the last minute, with a fake tax return to hide his true income and assets. So now I'm paying this millionaire university professor $253.00 per month in child support. And Judge Fall ordered me to pay his my ex's attorney, Margaret Hoyt, $1000.00 in attorney's fees -- even though my ex and his attorney "forget" to attend the first hearing, and I was a "pro per" defendant!!! ---So how do pychopaths succeed so well in the Court system? Well, they seem to say waht others want to hear -- and seem to have no conscience. No empathy either. ---The answer? Keep out of their way. If I'd married a real man, I wouldn't have had to go through such hard life lessons. ---Only one year left. I pity other parents who have years of their manipulative, dishonest ex-spouses using the Court system to beat up on their vistim ex-spouses. Good luck! --Jennifer Franz

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Last changed: October 07, 2003